the writing nib

Author: Nibwene

  • Looking for Home

    Looking for Home

    “So the days, the last days, blow about in memory, hazy, autumnal, all alike as leaves.” (Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Truman Capote)

    I finally watched Breakfast at Tiffany’s!

    (It is important to point out that I did not enjoy the depiction of Mr. Yunioshi. That was weirdly racist and quite painful to watch. But it’s good that significant improvements have been made in film industries worldwide and nothing of that kind would pass today.)

    I am very happy that the film’s ending was very different from the book, yet it still managed to capture the essence of Holly’s character. I found myself relating to Holly a lot more when she talked about not belonging anywhere. I am a young woman trying to figure out life and every day the world lets me know that I’m not where I’m supposed to be. It’s a strange thing to think about or even tell people especially if it’s friends you’ve had in the place you’ve been in for a while. Two years is a long time to be somewhere, but I am very detached from Bremen. Even stranger, twenty years is a very long time, but I am also detached from Dar es Salaam.

    From July to December I found comfort in Bonn while I was doing my internship. It was a feeling that I had never experienced before and it made me scared and sleepless on some nights. I couldn’t bear knowing that I got attached to a place and I felt safe and too comfortable in it, because I knew that I had to leave after a while. Luckily, my feelings have gotten bruised and crushed a lot over the last two years so it wasn’t very difficult to detach myself from Bonn. When the time to leave came, I didn’t feel sad at all. I knew I was sad, but I just didn’t feel it.

    The best thing about Bonn was that no one really knew me there, just like how no one in New York knew who Holly Golightly really was. I had many friends, mostly fellow interns, from work who, like me, were just passing by for a few months, but other than that I was completely alone. I could go home after work and detach myself from everything and everyone, something I could never do in Bremen while living on campus.

    What I’m trying to explain is, I don’t feel like I belong anywhere (and at times I try to avoid that feeling) for a reason. I found the reason in the film, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, when Holly sang Moon River by her window (beautiful scene!).

    ♪“Two drifters, off to see the world
    There’s such a lot of world to see
    We’re after the same rainbow’s end, waitin’ ’round the bend
    My huckleberry friend, moon river, and me”    ♪

    There’s such a lot of world to see. This is keeps me awake at night. To be frank, I’m not much of a traveler, but I absolutely hate the thought of being somewhere for a long time. We live in a time when we can go anywhere, at least on paper, so why not take advantage of that and live an extraordinary life? I want to move and move and move until I find my own Tiffany’s.

    “I don’t want to own anything until I know I’ve found the place where me and things belong together.”

    Holly Golightly, Breakfast at Tiffany’s (Truman Capote)

    On the last day of my internship I walked out of the UN premises some time in the afternoon. It was a sad day, because most people were away for the holidays. I walked slowly to where my bike was parked, which happened to not be at my usual spot. I stood there thinking of going for one last cycle by the Rhine behind the UN and Deutsche Welle buildings, but I shrugged it off because I decided that cycles by the Rhine belonged to a beautiful memory of Fall when I went to see Joker with my friends and we enjoyed one of the last sunny days of 2019 by the river.

    By the Rhine, early October 2019

    I would like to keep thinking that in Bonn the sun always shines on golden leaves and bright green grass, even when it’s dark and cold in the Winter, and that all my Bonn friends are seated somewhere by the Rhine, drinking wine and talking while I’m still trying to find my way there through Google Maps, because I’m always late to these things.

    With friends by the Rhine near UN Campus, Bonn, early October 2019

    “Anyway, home is where you feel at home. I’m still looking.”

    Holly Golightly, Breakfast at Tiffany’s (Truman Capote)

  • Chasing Happiness

    A true Jonas Brothers fan must’ve felt something from reading that title.

    But, sorry, this isn’t about the Jonas Brothers.

    I’ve been trying to read two books for months now; Born A Crime: Stories from a South African Childhood by Trevor Noah and Radiance of Tomorrow by Ishmael Beah. The former is an autobiographical book on Trevor Noah’s childhood. Now if you don’t know who Trevor Noah is please look him up, he’s very very smart! The latter is a fictional book by Ishmael Beah about a community recovering from war. He also wrote (and lived) A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier, which was a book about his time as a child soldier during the Sierra Leone Civil War.

    Both of these books make me sad whenever I think of them, although they have happy endings (I haven’t really finished them, but in my head these are the “endings”): Trevor goes on to become one of the greatest comedians of the 21st century (he hosts The Daily Show) and of course, a community recovering from war is a good thing.

    But being someone who has been chasing happiness for a long time, I don’t know if these are the kind of books I should be reading because the process of getting to that happy ending involves a lot of emotional moments. The same applies for the Netflix series, The Spy, which seems very interesting, but it gives me this feeling of melancholy that I can’t seem to shake off even after deciding to quit the show nearly three weeks ago. And for some reason, just yesterday I found myself trying to watch another episode.

    That’s the thing about sadness, once you feel it too often it becomes your “comfort” feeling and you keep wanting to stay in that state because the feeling of being happy becomes too foreign. Happiness shouldn’t be something that we have to chase. We shouldn’t have to tire our minds and emotions in the pursuit of something that should be a constant in our lives because life is meant to be beautiful.

    I don’t think I know where I’m going with this post.

    Maybe just to say this, if you know you’re depressed or could be triggered into depression then please stay away from sad books, TV shows, songs and films. You might say “it’s just art”, but sometimes consuming art comes with a price that no one should have to pay.

    Life should be about enjoying things you love – even when people make fun of you for loving One Direction music. You shouldn’t have to chase happiness because happiness should begin every time you do something, including the most normal things like grocery shopping or looking at memes.

    OK maybe it is about the Jonas Brothers just a bit. Happiness Begins is their latest album’s name and it is amazing!

  • Time to cancel the white savior complex

    I’m sure you’ve come across white savior films like The Help, Blood Diamond, Green Book, La la land and the latest being The Red Sea Diving Resort. This list is definitely not exhaustive.

    First check out this Seth Meyers parody, just because:

    The white savior complex is refers to the need/desire of a white person to help (save) “people of color” from problems that have been and are still caused by predominantly white societies, structures and practices (slavery, colonialism, imperialism).

    White savior films are the scum of film-making. Not only do they undermine the struggles of people of color fighting against oppression, but they also continue to reinforce the idea that things can only work out if a white person is involved.

    Meanwhile, in Africa, the toughest work clearly falls to the local guides who led the perilous Jewish exodus from Ethiopia to the Gedaref Refugee Camp. Raff composites all these heroes into a single character, Kabede Bimro (played by Michael Kenneth Williams, Omar of “The Wire”), the film’s only nonwhite ally of note.

    From Peter Deburge’s film review of the red sea diving resort for variety.com

    The existence of these films is one of the reasons why white savior practices continue to thrive in the real world. Think of the horrifying case of Renee Bach. This is just one example of the white savior complex going into someone’s head to the point of her thinking she can actually bring change by playing doctor on Ugandan kids from a poor area suffering from all sorts of illnesses even though she has no medical degree. 105 kids died because of her irresponsible actions.

    In his essay The White Savior Industrial Complex, Teju Cole writes, “if Americans want to care about Africa, maybe they should consider evaluating American foreign policy, which they already play a direct role in through elections, before they impose themselves on Africa itself.” I agree with this statement because the politics side of things is often overlooked. We might write hundreds of blog posts condemning white saviors, but the cause actually lies in politics. Western governments usually play roles in all kinds of conflicts and destruction in developing countries: Syria (currently), Cambodia (20th century), the colonization of Africa (Since the 15th century), the colonization of the Indian subcontinent (read on the Kashmir situation today). The result of all this chaos is that these places have become places that now need to be helped through charity organizations from the same countries whose governments contributed to the chaos through evil ideologies such as white supremacy that then led on to slavery, colonialism, etc. Even though lives get saved and significant numbers of people get the help they need, charity is pointless if the politics are all the same. Think about how we have had the United Nations for 74 years and organizations like UNHCR and UNICEF are literally everywhere, but today we have more than 25 million refugees and nearly 300,000 child soldiers worldwide.

    I might have gone on a tangent there, but I hope you get my point: a good number of the world’s problems are a result of evil racist ideologies like white supremacy (colonialism and its effects, etc.) and the funny part is that films and some people try to tell us that the same ideologies are part of the solution. The white savior complex is cut from the same cloth as white supremacy. Thinking you’re capable of saving “people of color” through medical procedures even though you are as unqualified as they are is white supremacy.

    Now back to the white savior films-they are simply a reflection of our world. One thing I feel that people with the white savior complex tend to ignore (in the context of African countries, for example) is that there are locals who can do the exact same thing a western volunteer does. The tough part is that locals are not seen as capable because of many things including the message carried by white savior films and the inferiority complex that many “people of color” still have to this day.

    Also, a message to westerners wanting to spend a summer in some remote African village: there are literally people suffering in your own countries. Think about them before spending thousands of euros to travel across the world to do something that can easily be done by the local population. I’ve lived in Germany for 2 years now and I know western countries also have issues that need normal citizens to help, such as refugee integration.

    Ever heard of ‘charity begins at home’?

  • “You’re not the river, you’re the city” – John Green

    “You’re not the river, you’re the city” – John Green

    So it was a Friday morning. The weather was good and I left on time for work with my bicycle that I had bought just two days before. I cycled in heels, a mini skirt and my bag that says ‘boy bye’ was hanging from the left handle. To quote Thanos, ‘Perfectly balanced, as all things should be.‘

    I ended up cycling thrice around a park.

    For the first few days in Bonn, I had to live at a hostel because finding a place to I can sleep and eat comfortably at for a few months needed to be the most difficult thing. I stayed at a place called Max Hostel and the receptionists there are the nicest I’ve ever met. I was welcomed with a smile each morning. That was one of the two things that made the painful first week in Bonn bearable, the other being that I’m at the UN!!!

    The people in Bonn are very nice, foreigners and locals alike. The streets are beautiful, the trains and buses are packed in the mornings and evenings and I like it because it gives me that big city feeling. And maybe it’s just because it’s summer, but I love how a lot of people here choose to cycle instead of using cars and contributing to the horrific tale of global warming. (Me here wishing Dar es Salaam found a way to deal with the overflow of cars in the city). I still haven’t seen Bonn properly, but I have 6 months to do that and more and I’m really looking forward to all it.

    66456847_2363636970585418_975214410941333504_nHere’s the view from my room, you know, what I stare at when listening to the Jonas Brothers’ album Happiness Begins and thinking of ways to make friends in the city and not embarrass myself by getting lost every morning.

    Oh and the river in the featured photo is the Rhine 😉

  • Hi again.

    Hi again.

    It’s been a while! All those memes about university life destroying your mental and physical well-being are true!

    I’ve been writing all kinds of things in the last two months: academic papers, social media posts and angry texts trying to educate people on why the n-word still has power today because of the continued oppression of black people (big sigh).

    Still, I have a couple (thousands, if not millions) of sentences that my keyboard is begging me to type (was this even funny? Haha). Recently, I’ve come across all kinds of journalism on the internet and on paper. I’ve been doing some research on magazines and article writing because I had to write and edit a couple in the last two months. A group of other Tanzanian youth and I having been working on a digital magazine that’s scheduled to come out this June! Head over to our website, Instagram , Facebook and Twitter pages for updates and whatnot. I’m really excited about this because it has been my long-time dream to see authentic written journalism from Tanzania (apart from traditional news journalism on newspapers); something educational and inspiring, yet entertaining. Although I am on the writing end in this case, I have had the most amazing experience and I hope whoever reads it enjoys every word and image.

    What I’ve learnt is that there are so many stories to tell and many different ways to tell them: writing, videography, photography and illustration, to name a few. I’ve been inspired by different photographers and travel bloggers, the likes of Natalie Basha (@thetravelmuse) who does journalism “with a beat in travel and human interest”. Head over to her YouTube channel to see her amazing work. Whenever I think of my dream of becoming a journalist, I think of it in the same way; traveling in order to learn and share what I come across with in other cultures. The world is full of very many untold stories. Platforms like WordPress and YouTube allow us to experience these stories either visually or using our imagination. I hope my words spark your imagination from time to time.

    It has been eye-opening to see how people from all around the world tell stories through photography, videography, writing 😉 and what kinds of stories they choose to tell. It feels great to be a part of the amazing fabric of journalism. The future is exciting (and uncertain, but I kinda like it that way haha). It’s like opening the big pink furry box from RuPaul’s Drag Race =D.